Friday, April 29, 2016

Wrestling with God

My faith is a bit messy at times.  My heart gets shaky over new struggles that I can't find the answers to and inside I start fighting a feeling that's pressing up against my chest.   A feeling that the best way to solve my problems is to press through my days not really facing the fears( or the real issues that need resolution) that have come to rest at my side.  I have to admit it looks a lot more like running and less like faith.  I enjoy encouraging others and when I'm wrestling it's hard to see up from down.  Encouragement seems hard to grasp, even harder to give.  

I realize though that faith and life without wrestling seems a little safe and unreasonable in nature.

So here I've been, flailing around and facing fears.  Waking up freer each day(sometimes I can't recognize this till later).  
Doing life with the author of life requires risk, intimacy and trust.  Every time I've wrestled in the past, God's shown up to meet me. 

When I couldn't stop lying and stealing or shake my anger when I first surrendered my life to Jesus.  

When I couldn't hear his voice and I didn't want to keep walking forward without it.  

When my husband got hospitalized and I wasn't sure if I would get him back.  

When I had a particularly alarming bout of postpartum depression.

I've gotten a word that springs hope, brings revelation, inner healing or a shift of focus to the Eternal.  Answers to questions I never formed into prayers. 

So Stop Running.  The stress is just as much in the running as it is in your circumstances.  An infinite, eternal God is not afraid of your flailings.

Lamentations 3: (The Message)
25-27 God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
    to the woman who diligently seeks.
It’s a good thing to quietly hope,
    quietly hope for help from God.
It’s a good thing when you’re young
    to stick it out through the hard times.
28-30 When life is heavy and hard to take,
    go off by yourself. Enter the silence.
Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions:
    Wait for hope to appear.
Don’t run from trouble. Take it full-face.
    The “worst” is never the worst.
31-33 Why? Because the Master won’t ever
    walk out and fail to return.
If he works severely, he also works tenderly.
    His stockpiles of loyal love are immense.
He takes no pleasure in making life hard,
    in throwing roadblocks in the way:

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