Thursday, June 28, 2012

Transition, Pulling back and letting go.

So I haven't written in awhile mainly because I've been processing.  Processing new choices, changes and observing a lot.  We decided to home school only about a month before school ended.  A lot of careful consideration has gone into this choice but it is not the only transition going on in our lives.  When I sit back and look at how often we've felt as though we are in "Transition" I want to laugh because it seems to be a constant process.  A process of change, fear, adapting, faith, evolving, struggling, triumph.  When are we not in transition?  

I think both Travis and I have held our breath time and time again waiting to arrive.  I do not believe this is going to happen but I do believe we are pushing towards something greater.  

I've been excited to see new developments in my boys.  Watching them be creative.  Hearing their thoughts. Even if they might be gibberish sometimes.  

Owen and I discussed math the other day.  I asked what he liked about it and where he saw it being helpful. He said he likes to make up his own math problems picturing bee's coming out of a hive and then picturing some being taken away.  He counts them.  Bee's have been a major subject of interest lately.  Bee's in books, bee's being drawn, made out of paper and lego's, or observing them going from flower to flower.  

He's also been sitting with dad watching his online photoshop course.  Fascinated, wanting to try it.  

Noah pretended to be a frog a few days ago.  Seems to be the 1st time he's initiated pretend play not just gone along with it.  We were checking the mail and he said, "Ribbit, Ribbit!"  and started hopping all over the place.  Then at one point he looked straight at me and said, "I'm a frog".  They get so serious about their play sometimes it makes me laugh.  A week or so ago at a friend's barbecue I noticed Owen intently listening to play "orders" with a furrowed brow and then explaining something of great importance to the game in his most serious voice.  Play is not always play to kids, it's serious stuff.  Wish I had a picture of that face.  :)

I'm trying to be present more often.  To be fully apart of what's going on, not trying to move on to the next thing or planning what I need to do throughout the week instead of listening.  I make time for those things as well.  I'm also sitting back, giving the kids room to get bored, create, figure out their own answers, learn persistence and not just rescue.  My patience is constantly getting tested but what's new?  We're learning to enjoy, search out, make time for ourselves and for each other, respect boundaries, etc.

I have to admit we've had our share of worries going on though.  We desperately want to move but we are trying to stay thankful and keep giving it to God, praying and asking for solutions.  Travis is taking two classes on top of his 40 hr work week right now.  Also, Owen can sometimes have more than his share of problems with transitioning, focusing, and controlling his emotions leading me to go from a place of trust and peace to worrying about his future a little too often.

Then I see this and remember that God is in control.
 “All your children will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children’s peace” (Isaiah 54:13) 

I've prayed, cried, and struggled with some decisions over my boys( especially Owen) but in the end I come to the Lord and my hearts desire is to train them up in the way they are to go.  Individually and uniquely.  For them to have an inner discipline, passion, creativity and a true relationship with the Lord.  For them to love and to be loved.  I can trust them to God and know he's placed us as parents for them with a purpose.  It's amazing how much love he can give you for these little guys.

Reminder that God is so good:
Matt 7: 9-11
“You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead?10 Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! 11 So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.

So I'm asking expectantly and trusting that he will help us, guide us, and that in him we have our joy, our strength.  To relax and not worry and also to press forward where we need to and that he will provide all our needs and sometimes surprisingly even our hidden wants.  God is good.  All the time.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.  Ok, we better go eat breakfast.

Source: via Sally on Pinterest